Nowhere.

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Today, I told her that I forgave her for having played with my emotions. I apologized for being a psychotic, controlling, jealous freak. I told her I finally accepted and came to terms that I was completely fine and not hurt at the fact that we could be just friends, distant friends at that. I thanked her for still allowing us to be friends. She thanked me for our friendship, and said to leave our weird past behind and focus on our individual life’s now. I agreed with the most sincere emotions in all of my body. Genuine emotions, sending happiness her way. Moving on with my heart warmed and mended…

But that was hours ago, and now my emotions have changed. I feel an insant regret, and all I want is for her to be mine. I don’t want to forget our past, and I definitely do not just want to be “friends”. I want to be able to at the end of the day, message her a simple “I love you, goodnight. Wish you were here.” But instead tonight, I’ll say nothing. I’m sure she hasn’t thought about me once the way I have these past few hours as I wait for her response that made sense 8 hours ago. Now I reread it, and I should’ve kept my mouth shut.

Now, as these months have passed, and I’ve lost what I’ve lost, & gained what I’ve gained. I know, actions speak louder than words. But will I ever have a chance to to prove that? If things are meant to be, they’ll happen naturally. I can’t wrap my head around how foolish I was. What a mess I truly was and how in need of affection I became. Our mentalities were different, me being the young one, and her being older. I could see why she looked down on me, I was a fool, and she was helping me. My immature state of mind didn’t let me recognize that, instead I questioned everything she told me and overthought like no ones business. Perhaps lack of self confidence, or immature thoughts. Whatever it was, is of no importance now.

At the end of the day, she couldn’t harm a fly.. Breaking a heart has proven to be easier…

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Redskins Fans: Debate is Defamation and Racism is Honorable

Problematic Pop

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In case you haven’t heard, there’s a football team based in Washington, D.C. called “The Redskins.” You may also have heard that the name is a racial slur. Seriously, it’s a dictionary-defined offensive term.

Recently, the Daily Show did a segment on the issue that collected some of the arguments for keeping the name and revealed some of the fans’  hypocrisy. Let’s take start with a quote from one of them.

If the name is changed, and I have children someday, what will I pass on to them?

How about you pass on your misplaced sense of persecution? Or, you could buy a new shirt with the new logo and pass that down to your kids. Or pass down your love of football and let your kids buy their own merchandise. Really, though, the questions you should be more concerned about is whether you want your kids to have a father who cares…

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The importance of being miscommunicated

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These posts have an initial purpose, but then I realize how fucked up in the head I am, and rant about everything in no specific order. Other than that, enjoy this post!

First of all, I would like to make it very clear that miscommunication isn’t a good thing, AT ALL.

Recently, a good friend and I have have become victims to the cruel consequences of miscommunication when it comes to the women we are currently chasing after. It has made everyday a living hell, having to figure out straight girl mind games & decipher emotions through texts. It also leaves us questioning everything by the time night comes. Slowly but surely we are learning.

Miscommunication in my opinion has to be the worst thing we humans are capable of easily doing. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve laid in my room after a long day and thought up scenarios. Scenarios about the girl I’m currently seeing, whether or not she finds me attractive, if she’s angry at me, if she’s really even straight, how much she’s into me, or if she downright just wants me to dissapear off the face of the planet. All because our communication is 90% through texting.

Lets face it, we’re all victims of shitty communication, especially texting. Altho it is to our advantage at times, when we text something non-chalant and they take it differently, which can either 1) Land us the bus to nowhereville or 2) Have us racing to their front door for a night full of passion.

Why is it so hard to be straight forward with someone, why has society molded us into believing feelings are “gross”. Why is it so hard to say I love you, I like you, I miss you. Without it sounding like you are obsessed or a needy little bastard.

In my personal opinion, I refrain from expressing my true feelings because I am worried of what might happen after I do. I’m currently dealing with the “straight girl” crush/fling whatever you wanna call it(we’ll get into that situation in another post). It’s an on-going process. I recently spoke up to her in person, letting her know what I thought of her and how she makes me feel as a friend. I quickly noticed after that, that our friendship/intimacy changed, for the better. SIMPLE face-to-face communication really made a huge difference. Who has the time to express feelings through text and social media…

GAZA

A little something to alter ones mind. We are all human. Tax-payers money = weapons for Israel.

voices in our heads

Leaving isn’t difficult. It’s coming back that breaks you.

“So how was teaching terrorists all summer?” my aunt asked contentiously as we lay on the beach at the lake, August 2000. Like every summer since I was two, we were taking a week of family vacation to waterski and tan and fight over nothing. And like every summer, I was pretty sure I was going to punch a family member. But now for legitimate reasons.

I had just returned from the Gaza Strip where I had been teaching English to Palestinian Jr. High students. To this day, Gaza remains one of the most crowded, most impoverished, most hopeless places I’ve travelled. And I’ve been to a lot of shitty places. Beautiful, hospitable people, caged in like cattle. And that was fourteen years ago. Fourteen more years of siege. Of bombing. Of a relentless de-humanization campaign. Of tunnels and kidnapping and retaliations, and “you’re right” and “I’m…

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